Frozen in time

Yesterday the better part of the night was spent in reading old xanga entries.

there were moments of pure laughter, moments of regrets, and moments of awe in seeing where i am in life right now. that xanga encompassed about 3 years of my life, i was a very faithful blogger.

but somewhere down the road the magic died and the surge of delight i had when it came to expressing myself by punching with ambition on a computer keyboard kind of faded away.

so i thought, i would start again.

and maybe revamp my site again. also to make it public that i have blogspot, i realized the reason i loved blogging before was that a majority of my joy stemmed from the fact that i was writing for somebody to read. after i made this "secret" blog there was no one to write to.

so here i go again.

sitting at a barnes and noble on the second floor.

jazz music is playing in the background and a couple next time has a conversation in a foreign tongue. the sound of pages being turned and the occasional cellphone spewing out a ringtone.

i look out the window to watch people milling around, milling around to the soundtrack of life.

electric snowflakes suspended in the air, to declare the time of overspending and panic rushed emotions of holidays is drawing ever near.

cars crawling with their headlights brightly lit, and for one brief second frozen in time, everything.

mini weekend trip

my first week of work is over.

it included loads of sitting around and people lecturing about how wonderful it is to work for this institution. they kind of brainwashed me and i am actually starting getting excited about work. four days of handouts, information, and computer training.

friday is the day off and my next two weeks look like MTTH and MTW...

whoo hoo weekends are totally belonging to me.

this weekend i am off to spend some time in our national's capital.

friday hopefully playing with some beloved friends.

and then saturday i give to myself as i venture out on my own to see the museums and ride the subways.

one more thing i am committing to myself is to not limit myself to explorations because i have no one else to do it with. who cares if i am by myself hehehe...

i should just go for it...

this also made me think about doing one social experiment, that i will perform and write about.

more to come later.

have a lovely weekend folks, stay warm, and do one creative thing a day.

post

Essentially I have been meaning to write.

it was just last week where i sat at my computer, poised ready for rapid typing.

however it fell short, when i realized i hated my idea of "ABCs" of my life. realizing that the topics i wanted to write about were a bore, quite personal, and could be downright depressing.

maybe some other time.

so today was the start of first day of orientation.... after all the hooblah and drama over my nursing board exams... passing... all G-L-O-R-Y goes to GOD.

and then relishing my final week before orientation... which included loads of sleeping in, olympics, one 1000 piece puzzle, jewelery making, friends, food, cheesecake...and a fasting retreat.

i walk out of the house today in utter peace and confidence of what the next stage of my life will bring. it is so fresh...and new...and awesome. the best part about it is coming home... and NOT having to worry about a test/project/paper/reading/online discussions/ the evening belongs to me.

it is the honeymoon stage of adult life as i know it, and i am savoring every tasty moment.

more posts to come...

ps... about my guitaring. the guitar still stands untuned in the corner of my room. i have this morbid fear of trying to tune it. and having the string slice my finger or twang my eyeball out.

i am thinking of switching to something more sane...like a ukelele (sp?) cute and small with only four strings.

who knows.

rainy day... better than any snowy day.

signing out,

Sofia Kim, R (freaking) N. RN

apologizing

i am in the midst of writing and starting my new blog self with the ABC's of my life.

however with the upcoming nursing exams/board, i can't.

i have been a bad studier for the past couple of weeks. and in the midst of those two weeks i have realized that i am a horrible studier and will never be a scholar.

i am bored of it already.

i have about 4 days till the actual test, and i am meaning to isolate myself from home or from friends, from life in general till that friday i take it.

please loads of prayersSSSSSS!!! i need them.

till them stay warm and toasty.

ps. ginger i think u shud grow your hair along with me. i am dying to chop it off too, but at the same time know that i will regret it. so lets be hair growing accountability partners. hahaha we can chop it off together in the summerish time.

love ya.

peace out.

- hugs and more hugs, sofy

New Writing Project...

My fingers are itching to write, to type, and in a sense to express an explosion of feelings and emotions and thoughts and experiences. Maybe it is the transitions period that i am slowing being eased into...eased into at an incredibly quick rate. It is like suddenly my mind and my heart is opened to things and senses other than nursing school. i am really living out a new chapter of my life and it scares me at the same time it makes me feel more alive than i have in a long time.

life is in front me and the possibilities are endless and there are new adventures for me to explore. therefore changes must be implemented and my thought process have to go beyond what i have clung to in the past 4-5 years of my life. and i have decided that even if there might not be others willing to go on my journey me, it's okay.

the changes include things i have always wanted to do... and to DO them with no excuses!

the very first of them being a blogger. i want to be a blogger once again. i had the glory days in xanga and then it died down once the audience became too big for me. too big that i had to be precise about what i wrote and expressed.

so blogging.

the second thing i am determined to do is to learn to play the guitar. i have one getty dusty in my room i can't even tell if it needs tuning. i am musically challenged and have a voice of my teenage boy going through puberty. but i want to be a girl who can strum the guitar with gusto, out of pure enjoyment.

so guitaring.

the third thing is to explore my surrounding neighborhoods. i have realized now more than ever that i love locality, i love communities, i love little quaint shops and resturants that only the natives know about, i want to discover secrets. i especially want to find b&b, which are loves of my life. i want to fall in love with where i live, and not be impatient to get out of here.

so exploring.

the list can go on and on. but for now these are the most practical ones i know that i can handle for now.

that is all i have to say for now.

and in regards to blogging and my title...

i am going to experiment with different writing ideas and approaches. because for writing i need some sort of inspiration/a kickstart to get me going.

so for this first experiment i am going to try doing the ABC's of my life. Going down the alphabet and writing about one thing starting with that letter could be a great start to my blogging journey.

sorry this post was all over the place and random and not cohesive at all.

i had word vomit and my fingers couldn't stop typing.

so here goes everything. please keep me in check if my posts begin lagging.

surrendering,

i am suddenly feeling as if a giant cavemen has come out of the blue and punched me in the face with the stick of reality. the nclex is coming quite near and i ended up out of sheer nervousness delaying my test date from February 1st to the 5th.

i talked myself into this, because there were no other dates to reschedule to and i was sick for about three days. which meant that i lost about three precious days to cram even more crazy knowledge into my already overwhelmed brain.

in spite of all this nervousness and crazy, God has been telling me awesome stuff. that HE is BIGGER, the BIGGEST thing out there and that HE is on my SIDE. i was really wrestling with the whole issue of dropping the test date for another. praying about and trying not to take action because I want to be in control and not allowing God to be in utter and total control of my life.

in the end it seemed that God wanted me to know "it didn't really matter, what test date i chose"

assuming that FOUR extra days was NOT to make much of a difference on a human level. MY DADDY, MY GOD is on my side. it's in moments like this where i learn the most about surrendering to HIM.

"...The Lord is near. ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

hooHA.!

Victorious Waiting.

the first few weeks of any new year, keeps in at a bliss at being able to start afresh with a slate that has hardly been touched, written on, or even clouded with bits of chalk dust.

i used to make new year's resolutions when i was younger, things pertaining to weight, exercise, being nice, Bible reading. and every year i miserably failed.

after about the second year of high school, i no longer saw the need to make a new goal in my life where i could only end up in failure.

this year however was different. after my last week of 2009 was rocked by the Urbana conference.

ending the year and starting the year with a bang. God began to do some revealing within me. he did some major revealing when it came to the area of my life where i needed to really work on.

patience. as i get older i have become to realize the truth about myself.

i am freaking impatient.

and as i become more busy with life and more involved and more just out there. i expect fast, quick results. i hate waiting. it could be anything, waiting in line for checkout. i can give really dirty looks when the cashier is just a tad bit slow. or waiting for things to pan out in my life, so that i can go overseas and see the world.

i hate waiting for my amazon purchases to come into the mail and i hate waiting for things to start. i would rather be late than to wait.

i want results now, i want answers now, i want to be tended to NOW.

God revealed this ugly side of me, with tenderness and a bit of amusement as he said, "you need to relax girl"

why was i in such a hurry? maybe it is my mkness of always going and doing. or the fact that i want to do so much.

but God says wait and to enjoy the process. wait to go overseas, wait to meet your future husband, wait in line at giant, wait for the nclex test to come, wait for miracles to happen, wait.

and with this new revelation birthed my new year's resolution this year.

Victorious Waiting.

waiting is an act of Obedience that is shown again and again in the Bible.

- Jesus waited THIRTY years before he began his ministry.

- Mary and Martha had to wait FOUR days after the death of their brother, for Jesus to come.

-Abraham waited more than who KNOWS maybe EIGHTY years before he got his beloved son

- Noah waited in the ark for 370 days, can you imagine with all that nasty animal poop, let alone it took him at the absolute most 100 years to actually build the ark.

- Jonah waited in the belly of a SMELLY FISh for THREE days.

and the list just goes on and on of people in the Bible, who were commended for their ultimate Waiting Skills.

Therefore I will Wait, and pray that in Waiting I can Be Victorious.

that by Waiting God will mold me and show me even greater things that i have only yet to imagine. that waiting is a GOOD thing.

so here i go to wait upon the Lord for He is Good.