it is raining right now. the rain is sweet right now, real sweet.
sweet rain is the best, when one is pondering over the things of life and feeling emo.

i was never a harsh emo. but there are some small inkling bits of emo tendencies that lie within in me. if you give me some sappy music, rain, and some time alone to muse...it gives me the perfect recipe for my darker side to emerge.

my emo side would want to write poetry, knit in crazy colors, and live in new york. it would want to open up a coffee shop, and write books, and be well rounded in all areas of life. my emo side... lets call her MANDY would want to see every inch of Europe and become an art history major. Mandy would then have a style of a boho chic, who drank organic coffee, and had a colorful array of peasant skirts...Mandy would always long for rain and made sure that she was a florist/ jewelery designer/ mommy/ gardener/ artist of a girl.
i think Mandy took a huge part of my life in highschool.

now i am Sofy... the practical nursing side. who can not wait to work in a hospital. The one who seems to have most of her life figured out in aspects to her future life, with regards to a career.

everything is set, no surprises.

sometimes i scare myself. where did my free-spirited less practical, more of a dreamer side go? i never used to be like this. but as i get older, i don't know sometimes if i am just losing myself, or just getting older.
when did i stop thinking about opening up a coffee shop that was just like whit's end?
when did i become so Boring...? There seems to be no more surprises.
i want to be surprised again. i want to pretend and make believe again.

i am afraid sometimes that i may be losing my childlike enthusiasm for life, that i may end up regret. does that every make any sense at all?

i hate growing up.
why AM i so dang EMo today?

PMS??? maybe.... but it's too early.
i did cry twice today for the ugly betty and grey's anatomy episodes....

and i ate a tub of caramel pecan ice-cream.
i pig. me pig....