car drive

i was talking to my dad. and he ended up asking me how my car was doing, since the stupid thing was causing me so much trouble in the last couple of days.

we made some small talk about cars, here and there. when i brought up the desire to one day own a honda accord. that was the only kind of car was drove, when we were still living in the states. and i guess for some reason that just brought back a flood of memories for my dad. he then started to talk about how when i was a baby they had to drive me around, till i fell asleep in the car. it was light blue accord ( i remember) and everytime they got to a stop light i would wake up screeching.
so whenever they needed me to calm me down they had to go driving...
he was speaking randomly and fondly...
that my throat tightened up so badly. conversations with mom doesn't usually illicit any form of tears or lump in the throat syndrome. but conversations with dad does, for some strange reason. maybe it's because somehow he always makes it sentimental or the talk diverts into either my safety/ well being or when i was little.

it was hard trying to not let the tears spill out, cuz i miss my parents both of them so much. that i forget, it just kind of goes away. however, conversations like those spark a crying fit. which just reminds me that i am still a BIG baby.

SIGH... argh.. what a day.

show reviews

okay so i watch alot of tv.
i dabble here and there, experimenting one week, and it also depends on how much time i have.

so here is what i have to say...

ugly betty:
its a complicated story line. really really twisted and full of secret tunnels and scandals. it's everything rolled into one. it has humor, romance, drama, suspense, and loads of comedy. i really fell in love with the first season, just because of betty's kind hearted nature and the transformation of daniel...
the only thing i am disgruntled about is her relationship with henry. they are cute, he is so cute. but hello he just got a girl pregnant and he is planning on going back to be with her to raise the kid. i don't know what they are thinking going on sleeping together like that. i thought betty was much smarter than that, but then again it show another more humane side of her that is a little be endearing.
they also recently added in a gay lover for mark, which is wierd. and i am not sure if i am totally comfortable with it yet to be honest with myself. i am still committed to this show and will get evermore sucked into the scandals of it all.

grey's anatomy;
it's getting old. however i only really watch it for christina yang and bailey's characters. the medical story lines are amazing and watching all the surgeries going on makes me excited. the story line is dumb. and i hate it how EVERYBODY is just sleeping with each other i lost count. meredith is lame and she needs to get out of her freaking retarded butt and make a committment to mcdreamy. she is so not mcdreamy's type and worth anyways. but she is always going through the same things, and i find her rather exhausting....
izzy and george makes me fume.... george because he made a mistake by getting married to the wrong girl and then sleeping with another while married. and izzy just cuz she thought it was ok for her to sleep with george and not feel humiliated by it. whatever they both go what they want, and i hope something bad happens to them both. i feel bad for callie... i think burke and addison was smart for leaving seattle grace.

private practice:
the staff here too is pretty deranged and messed up. especially the psychiatrist, she is the one who needs help getting over this allan fellow. i really don't think that she is in the right mind to be giving people mental advice, when she herself is clearly off the chart. and i also find it wierd that dell and naomi sort of have a thing but not really. i don't find it attractive at all but sorta of creepy.
he needs to hang out with ppl his own age. however i do like the medical storyline again, it is interesting and unique. even though i am not sure how realistic that it may be. one or two episodes did make me cry. so i gave me props for that. over all i don't get too sad if i miss an episode.

pushing daisies:
lee pace is CUTE for words. and chuck is annoying. but the overall feel of the show is whimsical and very endearing. i love the set, the costumes (chuck has the prettiest dresses), the characters are really unique. it is all in all a very sweet and creative story line. it's kinda of cute how chuck and ned can't touch each other.
but after a couple of episodes i am getting a little bored. its' the same storyline. of dead people and finding the murder. i have suddenly realized that i watch the show not for the story line but for the incredible set and graphics. it's again getting a little old. the only thing i will always love forever is digby the dog...

chuck:
he is so cute... the perfect cute nerd character ever.
again old... maybe because rather than it being a ever growing story it is one small story during every episode. chuck has vision, hot cia agent, and cold nsa agent save the day. he always has something cute to say that makes me laugh...
but i find his relationship with his sister annoying and unnatural. but i am ready and willing to see what more he can do.. and if he will ever break free from the buy more.

the office:
i laugh out loud as in belly laugh at least 3 times during each episode which is alot. but they are ridiculous and makes me really wonder if they are really people like that in the world. there are some great quotes that come from this show.. and it's heart warming in a creepy way.

i think that's about it.
i know i watch way too much.... but there are so many good thigns to watch out there.

i am NOT an open book

sometimes i feel like i lag, when it comes to talking about myself and being OPEN with other people.
as i observe people and their ability to communicate with other people, i marvel at how OPEN they can be. i thought it was easy and carefree for me to be able to share about me, to talk about my life, to literally be an open book.

however, i am not. rather i am a closed book, tightly locked with a key i only give to a very few (so few in fact) that it may not even count as few. i don't know why i am so protective like that, it is not like i ever got hurt or betrayed. or maybe i did, and i just don't remember.
for a while now i have been fooling myself into thinking that my life was a carefree, let everyone be involved sort of book.
actually people who have open book lifestyles annoy me and i find them exhausting.

so if i was a was a book, i would be hardcover. i would be the type of book the reader would have a hard time feeling comfortable with, won't have an easy paperback. the front cover would not consist of anything that would possibly entice a future reader. i think i would be a book easily passed over, because of the hard, rough exterior. my intro might be mundane and wordy; and the font is courier. it may even crackle and smell moldy... and it might take the reader awhile to become involved with my reading. i am not a paperback, comic sans font, or a teenybopper book. i am tightly bound, exterior harder than leather, maybe looking like a vintage rarity. that's the type of book i am.

i am alive.
tired, burned out, and relatively sick of mundane school life.

but i am still here, kicking and screaming.
there just hasn't been much time for me to ponder and mull over the things of life.

i also have been literally uninspired to write anything.

should i list?

-the weather confuses me
-i rewarded my behavior by buying songs from itunes
-i made a killer sandwich today
-colbie caillat really hits the spot in regards to music right now, i would have to say that she is the feminine version of jack johnson

and then i had this moment a couple of days ago, when i felt really emo and i wanted to watch korean music videos.
conclusion... somebody always dies... usually the girl. and i can time it like clockwork. the weather is usually rainy and there is a clip of the road/signal light. you hear the screech of tires...and the guy rushing to his "dead girl"..
this makes me think that in korea people get hit by cars alot.
and it also makes me think that if people are dying at this rate from car hits, than i can't say much about the medical system in korea. just because these days getting hit by a car doesn't warrant a death. only sometimes. oh these koreans are ever so dramatic, yet so predictable.
and instead of feeling really sad and melancholy, i laughed. wondering and timing the possibility of an untimely death.
there was another one i watched, where it took place in like Alaska in a random airport.
two korean guys and a girl were pilots. and they apparently wanted to be in the wilderness of korea flying planes. there was an obvious love triangle, but the one girl was already married to the girl...
basically what happens is during the night, this random, white fat guy did something accidentally to one of planes. i like how the make the culprit a fat white guy.
the husband gets a call for a plane and he is all eager about flying the plane. which in the ends begins to have trouble and blow up in the face of his wife and friend. BOOM! he's dead....

the wife gets depressed and so does his friend... his friend by the way drives a CRUELLA deVIL car in mid place of alaska, who does that?
and in the end... wife ends up flying the plane into a kamikaze mission. what a WASTE of film.
at least it wasn't a car accident, but they were in alaska... it would have been more interesting if she had died from a moose attack or thin ice.
i don't know. koreans make me laugh.

oh wait here is the video...
i found it.




hahah or maybe it was canada.... whatever.
point is girl always die... and then you get surprise like this when they both die.

- soif

stuck in a class that i didn't mean to get stuck in

to go to class or to not....
that is the question. i am stuck in my 405 class, when i should be really really really should be studying for my pathopharm.

listing time:

1.) i have finally broken into my new white nike/nursing shoes.

2.) why is it so warm.. it's too warm for october.

3.) following up on a pish's blog....if i was a flavor of ice-cream... i would definitely have some sort of caramel swirl going on. cuz it's something that is comforting and tasty.... and not overrated like chocolate, as well as some nuts. cuz i am nutty person in general.

4.) i wish life was more exciting. after i watched couple episodes of chuck... i kinda thought "cool..that's cool. i want an exciting life like that."

5.) my cough won't go away.

6.) i went on a shopping splurge at old navy. i bought cuteness, and now i feel bad, because there is no more cuteness to go around for everyone.

7.) this might sound so sad.. but i want a boyfriend. i call it "cold weather syndrome.." when it gets darker earlier and when time just seems to slow down....my sudden need of a boy companion surges to a weird level.

8.) sometimes i get scared and worried over the stupidest things.

9.) i have to pee

10.) i miss my family alot. like ALOT.... which may explain part of my yearning for a boy friend. agggg

there's hope

i am currently dripping snot, loads and loads of snot from my already exhausted nose.

my nose is telling me that it is tired and wants to rest, but it has diarrhea. snot diarrhea, and so i try to comfort my nose with another blow of cheap, scratchy tissues and a dosage of airborne...
i don't think my nose appreciates the cheap, Giant brand of tissues; and tells me in a snooty way that i should have gotten the puffs brand. the kind with lotion...
oh well you can't please every part of your body, but i don't kinda feel sorry for it.

anyways.. i have an observation to make. have you noticed the flood of "hi- i am- an-ugly-duckling- and i am really smart and really kind...but kinda not attractive....and there is this really hot guy... who is equally smart and nice....but wait he thinks i am geek.... oh just give me a couple of months... a gay friend who happens to be a stylist...and then i will be made over..and drop dead gorgeous...and the really hot, smart, kind guy falls in love.. and realizes the love of his life was right under his nose...disguised as the ugly duckling......" sort of generic stories, that has been infiltrating through the media.

i am sick of them. just sick... and cuz i don't have a gay friend who happens to be a stylist. and i think i look pretty good for what i got... i mean not now.. with my spastic nose. really, i don't know why i was so swept away by such stories. in the end, those stories taught NOTHING. the freaking guy always notices her only after she gets that fabulous makeover. so in the end, who knows if the guy would have ever noticed her unless she had changed her outerness.

why couldn't the guy just like her, for her. or notice her for her. i guess society is trying with likes of hairspray and sorta of with ugly betty.... and of coarse shrek (but fiona was still pretty in real life....wait she's animated...okay as an equally pretty voice played by attractive cameron diaz)

just keep her ugly. the ultimate love story would have to be the hot to fall for the not so hot.

i suppose, i find some hope... yesterday i was watching "whose wedding is it anyway" it is a reality wedding show about wedding planners. and one of the couple was bi-racial. the girl really not being that attractive, the guy looking quite nice. but they were so in LOVE, he was all over her. and it was purely refreshing to see this very good looking guy, caress and hug and kiss.. this lady who was clearly overweight, baggy eyes... and overall...you know (sorry i am being so judgy...i am not that far off from this lady.)
but he loved her and cared for, and was ready to do anything for her.

giving me a thought that YES! guys like that do exsist. they are OUT there, and i don't have to be the freaking fashion magazine assistant, who magically fits into size 2 couture gowns.

i will be me and all of me. and i will or he will find me too (with loads of help from the BIG MAN himself).

the links and shreks do dwell among us... sometimes us girls just gotta quite looking so inwardly on how we ourselves might appear to a guy.

there is my rant... and my nose cries for she is deeply moved.

the wind is blowing....and today was the first day i shivered when i went outside.
i can't wait when it gets so cold, that it hurts to breathe...

ps...
i think my rant was a result because i miss boys.
nursing school doesn't provide much interaction....
and today the med students came to eat free lunch at our school, and i was scoping the scenery out. blue scrubs makes any guys look incredibly approachable... and kinda hot

i miss...
i miss certain words. i happen to really enjoy words.

i like saying words, and there are some words that are like honey rolling off my tongue. words like: lush, voluptuous, picante, magenta....

now new words like: acetaminophen, tetracycline, pluripothen... filter through my mind.

these words are in my vocabulary now...as well as words like memorize...documentation...evidence based practice....

i miss words...words like: reflect upon...describe...english...literature...legend of...

argh... it's raining again, hence my emo mandy reveals herself.

i ate today and cooked.

i like cooking....and one day i am going to have an amazing kitchen with stainless steel appliances...double ovens... and a walk in pantry. i promise myself that i will have every spice in the world on hand, and enough whole wheat pasta and tomotoes on hand to feed an army, and loads and loads of funfetti for the kids....(and me).

bye.

awkward elevators

i find elevators to be quite awkward.
i was to list the most awkward places a person could be at...elevators would be right up there with peeing right next a perfect stranger or buying tampons and bumping into a cute guy you know.

it is an enclosed space, to close for comfort. when i am alone it is easy to burst into song or adjust my pants or burp...it is my own little comfortable bubble.
but as soon as that lovely stranger steps in, something happens to quickly that a dead weight of plain awkwardness leaves me gasping for air.

you don't know where to look, and everybody ends up staring at the little screen that tells us what floor we happen to be on. whoever invented this convenient piece of technology never figured that it would somehow make the user feel so socially out of it, and wished she had used the stairs.

i hate elevators. or maybe i hate sharing elevators.
i think i should have my own, we should all have our own. so that in any needed moment you can ride on and know for sure that some random person was not going to come in.
maybe i think of my elevator ride as being something of therapy and get annoyed when somebody seems to disrupt it.

i don't know...
but i am opting to take the stairs from now on, i can not handle this state of wierdness with something so simple as elevators.

sneaking on-line shopping....

just became a victim again.
by oldnavy.com
they seem to have a really good sale on line right now, which means wasted time online. and my bankcard crying.

i limited myself to three items. one grey turtleneck, a jade colored trapeze dress, and a cute polka dot trapeze shirt.... i am really liking the fall selections for fashion this year.

empire waistlines make me think of "pride and prejudice" and they elegantly hide my tummy, while giving me some more definition to what little boobage i have.
and trapeze dresses are just cute.. with alot of body room.

the colors make me happy... and for one brief moment i am looking forward to colder weather. which means snug and cozy clothes, scarves, and boots. i need a new pair by the way.
one less excuse to shave, but then again one more HUGE excuse to start applying lotion everyday. poo.

that brief moment of wanting change will pass soon, and then i will be grumbling and moaning about the treacherous freeze that is going to fall upon us in no time at all.
and then be whining for summer breezes and short sleeves to come back.
but till then i will enjoy every moment of my non-shaving season...boots...and jumpers.

ps...
fish i got a plaid jumper and i LOVE it.... i was going to get another from old navy but restrained myself.

it is raining right now. the rain is sweet right now, real sweet.
sweet rain is the best, when one is pondering over the things of life and feeling emo.

i was never a harsh emo. but there are some small inkling bits of emo tendencies that lie within in me. if you give me some sappy music, rain, and some time alone to muse...it gives me the perfect recipe for my darker side to emerge.

my emo side would want to write poetry, knit in crazy colors, and live in new york. it would want to open up a coffee shop, and write books, and be well rounded in all areas of life. my emo side... lets call her MANDY would want to see every inch of Europe and become an art history major. Mandy would then have a style of a boho chic, who drank organic coffee, and had a colorful array of peasant skirts...Mandy would always long for rain and made sure that she was a florist/ jewelery designer/ mommy/ gardener/ artist of a girl.
i think Mandy took a huge part of my life in highschool.

now i am Sofy... the practical nursing side. who can not wait to work in a hospital. The one who seems to have most of her life figured out in aspects to her future life, with regards to a career.

everything is set, no surprises.

sometimes i scare myself. where did my free-spirited less practical, more of a dreamer side go? i never used to be like this. but as i get older, i don't know sometimes if i am just losing myself, or just getting older.
when did i stop thinking about opening up a coffee shop that was just like whit's end?
when did i become so Boring...? There seems to be no more surprises.
i want to be surprised again. i want to pretend and make believe again.

i am afraid sometimes that i may be losing my childlike enthusiasm for life, that i may end up regret. does that every make any sense at all?

i hate growing up.
why AM i so dang EMo today?

PMS??? maybe.... but it's too early.
i did cry twice today for the ugly betty and grey's anatomy episodes....

and i ate a tub of caramel pecan ice-cream.
i pig. me pig....

i may be slightly ADHD

why is ever so hard for me to concentrate on studying?

sometimes. this stuff seems so uninteresting and boring.

how did i ever survive college, with the study skills of an eight year old.

i sigh to my self, a hundred million times over.

i am going to eat pho tonight, that makes me happy.

i am a very unproductive person.

first post

i am here.
because i was fed up with the whole world reading my xanga.

i want to be able to write again as freely and as expressively as i want to. and not be worried about offending someone or being judged by someone i know... or plainly stated cuz my family reads my xanga entries.

sometimes i wish i was a lit. major or majored in some sort of language. nursing and science skills can be a grand bore.

i wish i only learned things that i like learning about.

i hunger for some good books and amazing pasta.

yadayadayada goes my heart...