i am NOT an open book

sometimes i feel like i lag, when it comes to talking about myself and being OPEN with other people.
as i observe people and their ability to communicate with other people, i marvel at how OPEN they can be. i thought it was easy and carefree for me to be able to share about me, to talk about my life, to literally be an open book.

however, i am not. rather i am a closed book, tightly locked with a key i only give to a very few (so few in fact) that it may not even count as few. i don't know why i am so protective like that, it is not like i ever got hurt or betrayed. or maybe i did, and i just don't remember.
for a while now i have been fooling myself into thinking that my life was a carefree, let everyone be involved sort of book.
actually people who have open book lifestyles annoy me and i find them exhausting.

so if i was a was a book, i would be hardcover. i would be the type of book the reader would have a hard time feeling comfortable with, won't have an easy paperback. the front cover would not consist of anything that would possibly entice a future reader. i think i would be a book easily passed over, because of the hard, rough exterior. my intro might be mundane and wordy; and the font is courier. it may even crackle and smell moldy... and it might take the reader awhile to become involved with my reading. i am not a paperback, comic sans font, or a teenybopper book. i am tightly bound, exterior harder than leather, maybe looking like a vintage rarity. that's the type of book i am.