busy...

there are a host of things to do.
when i say "host" i think of my list of things... i think of each thing having a face and a name begging for my attention... "hello don't forget about me...!" "I am due in 24 hours what the heck are you doing?" "you haven't looked into me yet, write me down right now.."
that is why there are a host, a group of things who are grabbing at me to get them done. when will it be no longer a "host of things", an angry mob...but just a few quiet friends.

i am tired, really really tired. moments like these is when i should be crying out to Jesus. however, i do this everytime i shove him to the corner. "God i will deal with you later, can't you see i have a project due, i have tests, i have to go to the bank, i can't keep my eyes opened, you understand right?"
and God quietly, sadly goes to that corner and waits for me.
shouldn't it be when the "angry host of things" comes chasing after me, i should stand behind HIM almighty savior??

it's my nature, it's human nature to want to be left alone with "the host of things" to bring them down one at a time with my own strength. maybe that is why i am so tired, so exhausted. i box HIM up and open HIM up when i find it convenient for my time.
HE should be left unopened, without any boundaries all the time. that way i can see the magnitude of who HE really is, that HE is my shepherd, my SHIELD, HE can knock off any bunch of "angry hosts" and only use HIS thumb.
i don't remember being this zapped of energy, being so hungry for sleep.
God, i know it's insulting, for me to say this... but can you come out of your corner. come out in all of your hulkness and supermaness and help me to overcome. through you there is strength and peace... through you i find myself rising on the wings of dawn. through you i dance without tiring, through you i find my everlasting joy!
through YOU, through YOU, through YOU!!