i am alive.
tired, burned out, and relatively sick of mundane school life.

but i am still here, kicking and screaming.
there just hasn't been much time for me to ponder and mull over the things of life.

i also have been literally uninspired to write anything.

should i list?

-the weather confuses me
-i rewarded my behavior by buying songs from itunes
-i made a killer sandwich today
-colbie caillat really hits the spot in regards to music right now, i would have to say that she is the feminine version of jack johnson

and then i had this moment a couple of days ago, when i felt really emo and i wanted to watch korean music videos.
conclusion... somebody always dies... usually the girl. and i can time it like clockwork. the weather is usually rainy and there is a clip of the road/signal light. you hear the screech of tires...and the guy rushing to his "dead girl"..
this makes me think that in korea people get hit by cars alot.
and it also makes me think that if people are dying at this rate from car hits, than i can't say much about the medical system in korea. just because these days getting hit by a car doesn't warrant a death. only sometimes. oh these koreans are ever so dramatic, yet so predictable.
and instead of feeling really sad and melancholy, i laughed. wondering and timing the possibility of an untimely death.
there was another one i watched, where it took place in like Alaska in a random airport.
two korean guys and a girl were pilots. and they apparently wanted to be in the wilderness of korea flying planes. there was an obvious love triangle, but the one girl was already married to the girl...
basically what happens is during the night, this random, white fat guy did something accidentally to one of planes. i like how the make the culprit a fat white guy.
the husband gets a call for a plane and he is all eager about flying the plane. which in the ends begins to have trouble and blow up in the face of his wife and friend. BOOM! he's dead....

the wife gets depressed and so does his friend... his friend by the way drives a CRUELLA deVIL car in mid place of alaska, who does that?
and in the end... wife ends up flying the plane into a kamikaze mission. what a WASTE of film.
at least it wasn't a car accident, but they were in alaska... it would have been more interesting if she had died from a moose attack or thin ice.
i don't know. koreans make me laugh.

oh wait here is the video...
i found it.




hahah or maybe it was canada.... whatever.
point is girl always die... and then you get surprise like this when they both die.

- soif

stuck in a class that i didn't mean to get stuck in

to go to class or to not....
that is the question. i am stuck in my 405 class, when i should be really really really should be studying for my pathopharm.

listing time:

1.) i have finally broken into my new white nike/nursing shoes.

2.) why is it so warm.. it's too warm for october.

3.) following up on a pish's blog....if i was a flavor of ice-cream... i would definitely have some sort of caramel swirl going on. cuz it's something that is comforting and tasty.... and not overrated like chocolate, as well as some nuts. cuz i am nutty person in general.

4.) i wish life was more exciting. after i watched couple episodes of chuck... i kinda thought "cool..that's cool. i want an exciting life like that."

5.) my cough won't go away.

6.) i went on a shopping splurge at old navy. i bought cuteness, and now i feel bad, because there is no more cuteness to go around for everyone.

7.) this might sound so sad.. but i want a boyfriend. i call it "cold weather syndrome.." when it gets darker earlier and when time just seems to slow down....my sudden need of a boy companion surges to a weird level.

8.) sometimes i get scared and worried over the stupidest things.

9.) i have to pee

10.) i miss my family alot. like ALOT.... which may explain part of my yearning for a boy friend. agggg

there's hope

i am currently dripping snot, loads and loads of snot from my already exhausted nose.

my nose is telling me that it is tired and wants to rest, but it has diarrhea. snot diarrhea, and so i try to comfort my nose with another blow of cheap, scratchy tissues and a dosage of airborne...
i don't think my nose appreciates the cheap, Giant brand of tissues; and tells me in a snooty way that i should have gotten the puffs brand. the kind with lotion...
oh well you can't please every part of your body, but i don't kinda feel sorry for it.

anyways.. i have an observation to make. have you noticed the flood of "hi- i am- an-ugly-duckling- and i am really smart and really kind...but kinda not attractive....and there is this really hot guy... who is equally smart and nice....but wait he thinks i am geek.... oh just give me a couple of months... a gay friend who happens to be a stylist...and then i will be made over..and drop dead gorgeous...and the really hot, smart, kind guy falls in love.. and realizes the love of his life was right under his nose...disguised as the ugly duckling......" sort of generic stories, that has been infiltrating through the media.

i am sick of them. just sick... and cuz i don't have a gay friend who happens to be a stylist. and i think i look pretty good for what i got... i mean not now.. with my spastic nose. really, i don't know why i was so swept away by such stories. in the end, those stories taught NOTHING. the freaking guy always notices her only after she gets that fabulous makeover. so in the end, who knows if the guy would have ever noticed her unless she had changed her outerness.

why couldn't the guy just like her, for her. or notice her for her. i guess society is trying with likes of hairspray and sorta of with ugly betty.... and of coarse shrek (but fiona was still pretty in real life....wait she's animated...okay as an equally pretty voice played by attractive cameron diaz)

just keep her ugly. the ultimate love story would have to be the hot to fall for the not so hot.

i suppose, i find some hope... yesterday i was watching "whose wedding is it anyway" it is a reality wedding show about wedding planners. and one of the couple was bi-racial. the girl really not being that attractive, the guy looking quite nice. but they were so in LOVE, he was all over her. and it was purely refreshing to see this very good looking guy, caress and hug and kiss.. this lady who was clearly overweight, baggy eyes... and overall...you know (sorry i am being so judgy...i am not that far off from this lady.)
but he loved her and cared for, and was ready to do anything for her.

giving me a thought that YES! guys like that do exsist. they are OUT there, and i don't have to be the freaking fashion magazine assistant, who magically fits into size 2 couture gowns.

i will be me and all of me. and i will or he will find me too (with loads of help from the BIG MAN himself).

the links and shreks do dwell among us... sometimes us girls just gotta quite looking so inwardly on how we ourselves might appear to a guy.

there is my rant... and my nose cries for she is deeply moved.

the wind is blowing....and today was the first day i shivered when i went outside.
i can't wait when it gets so cold, that it hurts to breathe...

ps...
i think my rant was a result because i miss boys.
nursing school doesn't provide much interaction....
and today the med students came to eat free lunch at our school, and i was scoping the scenery out. blue scrubs makes any guys look incredibly approachable... and kinda hot

i miss...
i miss certain words. i happen to really enjoy words.

i like saying words, and there are some words that are like honey rolling off my tongue. words like: lush, voluptuous, picante, magenta....

now new words like: acetaminophen, tetracycline, pluripothen... filter through my mind.

these words are in my vocabulary now...as well as words like memorize...documentation...evidence based practice....

i miss words...words like: reflect upon...describe...english...literature...legend of...

argh... it's raining again, hence my emo mandy reveals herself.

i ate today and cooked.

i like cooking....and one day i am going to have an amazing kitchen with stainless steel appliances...double ovens... and a walk in pantry. i promise myself that i will have every spice in the world on hand, and enough whole wheat pasta and tomotoes on hand to feed an army, and loads and loads of funfetti for the kids....(and me).

bye.

awkward elevators

i find elevators to be quite awkward.
i was to list the most awkward places a person could be at...elevators would be right up there with peeing right next a perfect stranger or buying tampons and bumping into a cute guy you know.

it is an enclosed space, to close for comfort. when i am alone it is easy to burst into song or adjust my pants or burp...it is my own little comfortable bubble.
but as soon as that lovely stranger steps in, something happens to quickly that a dead weight of plain awkwardness leaves me gasping for air.

you don't know where to look, and everybody ends up staring at the little screen that tells us what floor we happen to be on. whoever invented this convenient piece of technology never figured that it would somehow make the user feel so socially out of it, and wished she had used the stairs.

i hate elevators. or maybe i hate sharing elevators.
i think i should have my own, we should all have our own. so that in any needed moment you can ride on and know for sure that some random person was not going to come in.
maybe i think of my elevator ride as being something of therapy and get annoyed when somebody seems to disrupt it.

i don't know...
but i am opting to take the stairs from now on, i can not handle this state of wierdness with something so simple as elevators.

sneaking on-line shopping....

just became a victim again.
by oldnavy.com
they seem to have a really good sale on line right now, which means wasted time online. and my bankcard crying.

i limited myself to three items. one grey turtleneck, a jade colored trapeze dress, and a cute polka dot trapeze shirt.... i am really liking the fall selections for fashion this year.

empire waistlines make me think of "pride and prejudice" and they elegantly hide my tummy, while giving me some more definition to what little boobage i have.
and trapeze dresses are just cute.. with alot of body room.

the colors make me happy... and for one brief moment i am looking forward to colder weather. which means snug and cozy clothes, scarves, and boots. i need a new pair by the way.
one less excuse to shave, but then again one more HUGE excuse to start applying lotion everyday. poo.

that brief moment of wanting change will pass soon, and then i will be grumbling and moaning about the treacherous freeze that is going to fall upon us in no time at all.
and then be whining for summer breezes and short sleeves to come back.
but till then i will enjoy every moment of my non-shaving season...boots...and jumpers.

ps...
fish i got a plaid jumper and i LOVE it.... i was going to get another from old navy but restrained myself.

it is raining right now. the rain is sweet right now, real sweet.
sweet rain is the best, when one is pondering over the things of life and feeling emo.

i was never a harsh emo. but there are some small inkling bits of emo tendencies that lie within in me. if you give me some sappy music, rain, and some time alone to muse...it gives me the perfect recipe for my darker side to emerge.

my emo side would want to write poetry, knit in crazy colors, and live in new york. it would want to open up a coffee shop, and write books, and be well rounded in all areas of life. my emo side... lets call her MANDY would want to see every inch of Europe and become an art history major. Mandy would then have a style of a boho chic, who drank organic coffee, and had a colorful array of peasant skirts...Mandy would always long for rain and made sure that she was a florist/ jewelery designer/ mommy/ gardener/ artist of a girl.
i think Mandy took a huge part of my life in highschool.

now i am Sofy... the practical nursing side. who can not wait to work in a hospital. The one who seems to have most of her life figured out in aspects to her future life, with regards to a career.

everything is set, no surprises.

sometimes i scare myself. where did my free-spirited less practical, more of a dreamer side go? i never used to be like this. but as i get older, i don't know sometimes if i am just losing myself, or just getting older.
when did i stop thinking about opening up a coffee shop that was just like whit's end?
when did i become so Boring...? There seems to be no more surprises.
i want to be surprised again. i want to pretend and make believe again.

i am afraid sometimes that i may be losing my childlike enthusiasm for life, that i may end up regret. does that every make any sense at all?

i hate growing up.
why AM i so dang EMo today?

PMS??? maybe.... but it's too early.
i did cry twice today for the ugly betty and grey's anatomy episodes....

and i ate a tub of caramel pecan ice-cream.
i pig. me pig....